Paraphrasing captures what was said showing an understanding in the words that you use. Paraphrasing is also used often to probe for more information. A perception checking statement is a message you create to check your understanding of someone’s behavior or words. “Reflecting is the process of paraphrasing and restating both the feelings and words of the speaker”, my brother continued after realizing I was listening keenly, “ The purposes of reflecting are to allow the speaker to hear their own thoughts and to focus on what they say and feel and to show the speaker that you are trying to perceive the world as they see it and that you are doing your best to understand their information. “
A conversation with my younger sister went as follows:
“ His life spanned years of incredible change for children”, said my sister.
I learnt that this can be paraphrased as:Collins lived through an era of liberating reform for children.
The statement “Any trip to JKUAT should include a visit to Tuscany to sample exquisite wines”, can be paraphrased as: Make sure you include a Tuscan wine tasting experience when visiting JKUAT.
“Perception checking is a good tool to help us understand others accurately instead of jumping to conclusions or assuming that your first interpretation is the correct one. Using this strategy can be a way of reducing defensiveness in the other person since you are not attacking them, you are merely asking for clarification. Another additional benefit is that it can preserve the face of both parties and prevent a fight over a misunderstandng. It involves description of the behavior that you noticed , two possible interpretations of the behavior and a request for clarification” , I can vividly remember my teacher saying. An example showing how I apply perception check in my life would be
"You said you really liked the job I did." (behavior) "On the other hand, there was something about your voice which made me think that you may not like it." (first interpretation) "Maybe it is just my imagination though." (Second interpretation) "What did you really think about the job?" (request for clarification). Another example of how perception check went between me and my brother yesterday is: “When you stomped out of the room and slammed the door” (behavior), “I was not sure if you were mad at me” (first interpretation) “or just in a hurry” (second interpretation) “What is up?” (request for clarification)
The guidelines for reflecting learnt from chapter 7 are being natural, listening for the basic message, restating what has been said in simple terms, not questioning the speaker unnecessarily not to add to the speaker’s meaning and always been non-judgmental and non-directive. Reflecting and paraphrasing combines content and feeling to truly reflect the meaning of what the speaker said. An example would be:-
My sister said to me “I just do not understand my boss. One minute he says one thing and the next minute he says the opposite,” and I responded by saying
“Do you feel extremely confused by him?”. My response was meant to seek for clarification from her.
After reading the chapter on stages of relational development, I have gained insight on different stages of all relationships and the way in which they develop. In order to create, develop and maintain a healthy, productive relationship, you must first understand how the stages of a relationship develop. By doing so, I have learned how to be able to see where my relationships are headed, and that times of argument do not always lead to breakup. I have found that relationships are usually like an ongoing wave. There is usually a chance to move back into a productive level of involvement and bonding. Through the stages of development, I have learnt how to best resolve conflicts, and known when it is time to do so. Throughout the relationships I have had in the past and especially in my current one, I thought that once you got to the stagnating and avoiding stages it was only a matter of time before the relationship ends. I have learnt that having an intimate relationship with a person means you always have someone to share emotional and physical needs with. My girlfriend confirms this by telling me every day, “I love you ”. I am always happy and relieved when I hear that from her.
In conclusion paraphrases accurately summarize the author’s idea. It can be difficult since insufficiency in paraphrasing is considered an integrity violation. Stages of relational development include initiating together, coming together and coming apart. “The original meaning should not be interfered with when paraphrasing because it is a way of writing something in your own words that expresses the original idea”, my classmate reminded me yesterday. Lily could not wait to add , “ Perception check has three parts namely: description, interpretation and clarification. It helps us decode messages more accurately and reduce defensiveness and potential for conflict.”